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** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT News That Sounds Like a Joke

BEGIN_TEXT Staff at an internet cafe in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province, China, had to call paramedics on Jan. 28 when a gamer lost all feeling in his lower limbs after playing the same game for more than 20 hours straight. Newsweek reported that the unnamed man didn't realize he had become paralyzed until he tried to use the restroom and couldn't move his legs. As he was being carried out on a stretcher, he was heard begging his friends to finish the game for him. [Newsweek, 2/1/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT Wrong Place, Wrong Time

BEGIN_TEXT A parking lot in Augusta, Georgia, became the scene of a nightmare for an unsuspecting motorcyclist and his 1982 Honda bike on Jan. 31. On his way to exchange some shirts at Target in the Augusta Exchange shopping center, Don Merritt told WJBF-TV, "I was going to go around the back to avoid the speed bumps," but when he did, he and his bike fell into a sinkhole. Firefighters were called to rescue Merritt, who suffered a skull fracture and a loose tooth as a result of the 15-foot fall. The bike was totaled. "It's not good customer relations," Merritt said about the sinkhole. The center property manager reportedly is fixing the hole. [NewsChannel 6, 2/2/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT Smooth Reactions

BEGIN_TEXT Sonny Donnie Smith, 38, of Clackamas, Oregon, was feeling snubbed in September 2016 when both his father and his brother were invited to a family wedding, but Sonny wasn't. As a perfectly reasonable revenge, Sonny made anonymous phone calls to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas and the Midland International Air and Space Port in Midland, Texas, claiming that his father and brother were terrorists and would be traveling through the airports. An FBI investigation revealed no terrorist threats, and after interviewing the father and brother, they were both released. On Feb. 1, Sonny Smith pleaded guilty to making the calls, according to The Oregonian, and will be sentenced on May 10. [The Oregonian, 2/1/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT Redneck Chronicles

BEGIN_TEXT Cheryl Merrill, 60, of Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, was arguing with her boyfriend of five years about who would win Super Bowl LII on Feb. 4 and became so enraged shortly after kickoff that she picked up a wooden shelf and threw top 10 anti anxiety drugs at him. St. Johns County sheriff's deputies were called and found Merrill "extremely intoxicated," according to reporting by WJAX-TV. Merrill was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the St. Johns County Jail. Her boyfriend was unable to sign an affidavit because of the hand injury he sustained in the assault. [FOX 30, 2/5/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT False Alarm

BEGIN_TEXT A Scottish farmer called Police Scotland after spotting what he believed to be a tiger in his cow shed near Peterhead in Aberdeenshire on Feb. 3. An armed response team scrambled to the farm and within 45 minutes, established that the fierce big cat was in fact a large cuddly toy. "Any call reporting a potential danger to the public has to be taken seriously," Peterhead Inspector George Cordiner told Metro News. "Until you know exactly what you are dealing with, every option has to be considered." [Metro News, 2/6/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT Awesome!

BEGIN_TEXT Undoubtedly, many records will be set during the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But before the events even began, one Winter Games record was in the books: Organizers distributed 110,000 condoms to the 2,925 athletes -- about 37 condoms per competitor. "We hope to aid the athletes visiting from various countries to complete their events successfully and safely," said a spokesperson for Convenience, the South Korea condom manufacturer that supplied most of the prophylactics. The Korea Biomedical Review reported on Feb. 1 that finely conditioned athletes have been notoriously "sexually unrestrained" before, during and after Olympics contests. Free condom distribution began in 1988 when 8,500 were handed out during the Seoul Olympics. [Korea Biomedical Review, 2/1/2018]


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.


** ** ** BEGIN_TEXT BEGIN_TEXT COPYRIGHT 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION 1130 Walnut, Kansas City MO 64106; 800-255-6734 TRANSIT - TEXTBAR